Stained but Clean

After a winning day of baseball we were finally home to relax until....it hit me.  Sunday is a different uniform, it's not gray pants, but rather white pants.  Great!  The last time I saw Hunter's white pants were a couple of weeks ago after World Series, covered in red mud from where it had rained all week long.  They hadn't been cleaned with our mixture of oxi slash dawn slash comet slash muscle scrub and soak for three days technique.   I had no time to do that and by this time those stains were stuck for good, so I panic, but only for a minute.   Hunter and I run out of the house on a mad dash to Hibbets and grab another pair of stark white pants, the ones that are so unbelievably white, but only for like thirty minutes after he puts them on or at least until that first slide into a base.  Then it hit me, we are all like those pants.  Hear me out I know this sounds insane but think about it for a minute,  as Perry Noble says, "Let me unpack this for ya!"  We are born into this world brand new like those white pants.  We go through life trying our own ways, messing up, trying to live independently until we realize we cannot handle this life alone because we were not made that way.  Once we hit wall after wall of our own selfish motives we stop and think maybe my own way is not pleasing to Jesus.   Maybe he really does want me to come to Him for everything,  trust in Him to lead my life and rely heavily on His grace to sustain us every single day.   So we are stained like those white pants will be tomorrow about 9:35.  We go through life just like these pants acquiring stains that even if you scrub and scrub your life you can cover those stains up, but underneath the surface they are always still there.  Our life is the same way wondering aimlessly into the cruel world until we set our focus on Christ.  Once we accept that our ways are not always His ways and truly understand that it is all in His timing will we fully grasp His constant love for us as His children.   After the games tomorrow I will spray those stains, scrub and soak those pants but they will never be as white as they are right now and that's okay because they will still be clean. Our lives become clean once we accept Jesus into our hearts.  He takes us stained and broken, he knows our paths that we have  traveled how we acquired each stain and yet he loves us regardless.   We are all washed white as snow by the blood of Jesus.  There was only one perfect man named Jesus and he took our sins away.  So you might be broken and stained but you still have a home wrapped in the arms of Christ.  We are all stained.  These pants will never be stark white again, but just like our lives in Christ we are clean and the next time we step up to bat the game of life, we will have our own personal stain fighter leading the way, Jesus. 

On to the 3's

A very special event happened this past weekend, our little Rex had his 3rd Birthday party.  He is such a joy in our lives.  After a week of designing the perfect dump truck party, a whole day of making signs and different decorations, and a night up until midnight the night before making everything just right, I think he loved every bit of his party.  I have always loved designing my children's birthday parties, but it does take a lot of time.  The time I put into each and every one of the decorations displays a tiny glimpse of the love i hold in my heart.  I always hand make a shirt that displays their age to later make a blanket.  I love all three of my children more than anything in the entire world and making sure their birthdays are special is just one part to being a good mommy.  Rex has shown us more love since he has been born,  bringing our family closer and closer.  He keeps us laughing and on our toes constantly with his witty personality.   I can only imagine how this next year will be with his sweetness in the house.  Happy 3rd Birthday Rexy.  A big thank you to all the family who helped us celebrate this little love bundles birthday.  He was incredibly happy and appreciative of every gift.  We love you,

Mommy, Daddy, sissy and bubby love you more than life itself.  

Until the next birthday, 

I can do this

Today is going to be the first day where I will attempt to kick a habit that has followed me for almost twenty years.   I never started off this habit thinking it would last this long or even become a habit,  but when you are young and naive you don't see the long term effects of a one try thing.  So I am struggling with confidence right now because I feel like I am one with the addiction and it scares me to think I might fail.  I know for my husband and children this is a must for their health as well as mine.  I never thought something so small could have such a hold over my body.  I know through prayers and constantly asking God for guidance is the key.  So I will boldly ask God to step with me every single pace and guide me through the stressful times and around every temptation.   Not sure if this is a good time to quit with my husbands Papa just passing yesterday but he had an addiction that took over him and eventually cost him his life through health conflicts.  Now more than ever I see myself in that same hospital bed with my own children crying over me and asking me why I didn't quit.  I know I cannot turn back the damage I have already done to my body but I can start to live each and every day fresh.   I know this is a journey that will be achievable,  because I have determination in everything I do.  I just need to get past th psychological feelings of having to have this when I really don't need it.  One step at a time and I may fall short, but I will get myself back up, dust myself off and go again.  For my family, for me, for my future.

Day 1

KD